Hodgepodge Food Blog

The bestest dads deserve the bestest treats. And because I wasn't able to spend time with my pops this Father's Day, I thought that the next best thing was to craft an ode to MJA, Matthew James Axness!

Now that my dad is slimming down and cutting out all of the most delicious things in life, I thought I'd e-taunt him with all of his food faves.

UP FIRST!! Fake frugal fritters fo the apple variety. I had made these wanna-be doughnuts before, and they were pretty tasty.

Meet the ingredients.

Slice'n'dice the granny.

HOLLER AT A PLAYA DEEZ BE APPLES

When sugar and spice isn't nice enough....APPLE CIDER MIX!

I knew that cin/shuga wasn't gonna make these faux-nuts delicious....so I called in the troops. The apple-cider-pop-n-fresh-fake-doughnuts-are-the-best-omg-i-love-my-dad were gonna be the gold medal winners. I had a feeling.

Fry dat. Peanut oil.

I wanted to capture the applessence, so I squeezed the bejesus out of the dough fo SHO.

I know what you're thinking....OH MY GAWD, is she a hand model??????

Spoiler alert: NOPE, just bl-izz-essed. Thanks 'rents.

Axness royalty.

Father/daughter activities circa 1997.

Enough of this nauseating familial nostalgia. Back to the apple fritters!

Coated in sugar and SIN-amon. Oh hayyyyyyyy.

Fry fry, so fly, breezies be like OH MY.

Perfection?

NOPE! That ish be dough-tastic. Pilsbury would be all over this, but this is NOT Papa Axness-worthy! So I tried to re-fry.

Muuuuuuuuuch better.

In the end, this is what happened: I fried some phoney baloney doughnuts and tried to make them delicious, but in the end....here is the deal: YOU ARE FRYING CANNED DOUGH AND THIS WILL NOT BE YUMMY.

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And now for something completely different --

I Love My Dad And Want To Show It To Him Via A Blog Post Take 2:

GERMAN CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES!!!!!!!!!

Okay foolz. I had an Ina Garten recipe, because obvi. Little did I know that Ina is a sneaky B and super complicated when it comes to recipes that try to show how much you appreciate your father!! All I know is that German Chocolate Cupcakes are my dad's FAVE birthday/father's day dessert and I needed to make them!

Here we go.

Like, really?? So. Much. Math.

The butter pulled a wicked witch of the west here. Melted.

Line dem cake cups.

I AM HAVING FUN.

Let the frosting thicken. Double trouble boil and bubble. Not witchcraft, just mad culinary skillz.

So, I know what you all are thinking. Adele!! What the eff, this isn't a true hodgepodge! You're following a recipie and using all of the right ingredients! NAY, web audience. I did have to improvise. The recipe called for 1 cup blanched sliced almonds, TOASTED. You think I'm about to pay good money for sliced almonds and then toast that nonsense?? No.

I used snack sized dry roasted unsalted almonds from Trader Joes. Then, I whack-a-moled the heck outta the snack packs. My dad was going to name me Adele Resourceful Axness, but somehow that never caught on.

I was a bit of a sellout with the pecans. You think that the chick with the six thousand dollar HodgePodge Food Blog apron is gonna turn down perfectly measured, chopped and toasted pecans??? COME ON!